Por: Paco Zavala

El actor Luis Angel Isaias Silva charlando sobre Experiencias de Vida en La Casa del Abuelo.

El presente año es un ciclo de tiempo del que se esperan grandes novedades y expectativas, sobre todo en el campo político, las guerras iniciaron desde hace tiempo y algunas con bastante intransigencia, pero ese es un terreno que en esta nota no tocamos, nos dedicaremos a temas vinculados con el desarrollo del arte y el quehacer cultural.

El Centro Cultural Tijuana ha organizado para este mes de febrero el desarrollo de su programa “Que ruede la bola”, el cual consiste en una serie de actividades que itinerantes de promoción cultural, mismas que se realizarán en sedes alternas, tanto en Tijuana, Mexicali, México, D.F. y Los Angeles, Ca., con la finalidad de difundir, promover y preservar los bienes y servicios culturales, para fomentar el desarrollo humano y mejorar la calidad de vida de los bajacalifornianos y de los mexicanos del sur de California.

Dentro del marco de este programa destacan la presentación de Opera Ambulante, cuyas presentaciones se desarrollarán en sitios alternos al azar; “Experiencias de Vida” que presentará el actor Luis Angel Isaías Silva en la Casa del Abuelo los días viernes y Adriana Cortés, llevará todos los martes, miércoles y jueves del mes el Taller Cecut Verde a la Escuela Indígena de Valle Verde, al igual que a las colonias Altiplano y Pedregal de Santa Julia.

La exposición colectiva de fotografía “Sierra de Juárez” se presentará el viernes 10 de febrero en el Salón Paraninfo de la Universidad Autónoma de Baja California, Campus Mexicali. Dicho evento está vinculado con la presentación del libro “Sierra de Juárez”.

La lectura es uno de los vínculos más fuertes a los pequeños y un acercamiento de esta actividad se realizará el lunes 20 de febrero, con la visita de la Bebeteca Móvil al área pediátrica del Hospital General de Tijuana; el jueves 23 en el Salón Caballito del Palacio de Minería en el Distrito Federal, se presentará la colección Editorial del Cecut 2011, en el marco de la Feria Internacional del Libro y en Los Angeles Ca., en el Whittier College de Los Angeles, Ca., se presentará un libro del maestro Hugo Salcedo, publicado por el Cecut, el cual reúne las obras teatrales, “Noche estrellada sobre el campo de pepinos” y “Nosotras que los queremos tanto”.

El Centro Cultural Tijuana, para este año en el que cumple 30 años de su fundación, ha diseñado una serie de actividades de las cuales en fecha posterior les comentaremos.

El Instituto Municipal de Arte y Cultura, trabaja intensamente a favor de las juventudes tijuanenses, programando, impulsando y proyectando infinidad de actividades que se presentan constantemente en sus diferentes escenarios, como son sus tres Casas de Cultura y Sistema de Bibliotecas de Tijuana.

La CANIRAC de Ensenada y Bodegas de Santos Tomás, están anunciando para el próximo sábado 4 de febrero de 3:00 a 8:00 pm. en la Sala de Tintos de Bodegas de Santo Tomás, en Miramar No. 666 en la zona Centro de Ensenada, la celebración del 3er. Festival del Chocolate, la entrada a este evento es gratuita.

Dear Mexican: My cousin had put a picture on Facebook that said, “I will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country.” He’s Mexican-American. Our family is from La Luz, Zacatecas, and its surrounding villages. His dad (my uncle) was born here in El Paso, Texas. His mom jumped in the conversation and backed him up. His parents are divorced. How do I politely tell them they are wrong with their way of thinking?

Prepared to Punch a Pinche Pocho Primo

Dear Wab: Sorry, cabrón, but you’re just not going to win this battle. As much as I and other Chicano yaktivists would love it that everyone of Mexican descent in this country were a card-carrying member of the Reconquista complete with Nahuatl names and a Frida-filled house, that’s just not going to happen. As I’ve explained muchos times before, the great thing about this country is how it can turn the descendents of even the biggest wab into an anti-immigrant loon by the second generation (see: Marco Rubio) and even by the first (see: my parents). The best you can tell your cousin is remind him that your grandparents came to this country to find a better life, not to talk trash on those less fortunate than them—but, again, it’s a losing battle that goes contrary to the American immigrant experience, which sees the previous generation of immigrants spit on newcomers as if they were a spittoon. So can I suggest something revolutionary, instead? Leave your primo to his opinions. Let him be a prieto Know Nothing. You be the conscious cousin, and let him be the pocho one—trust me, you’ll get all the hot second cousins at the family pachangas, while he’ll be condemned to be the Tio Taco of El Paso.

You explain the etymology of words so well! Please enlighten your readers with the explanation of the word prieto, as opposed to moreno.

La Que le Gustan los Morenos

Dear She Who Likes Brown-Skinned Men: Prieto is derived from apretar (“press”), from the Late Latin appectorâre (“to press against one’s chest“), but in Mexico it denotes a dark hue, one veering on blackness. Moreno, on the other hand, comes from moro, the Spanish word for Moor, and usually signifies a dark brown—you know, like a Moor! (How we got prieto to mean “blackish” from its pressing roots escapes me). But these are general definitions, as their meaning shifts across the color prism depending on who’s talking and what century. In the present day, prieto is usually reserved as a term for parents to describe their darkest-skinned kid, a description as injurious to a young soul as calling them “tubby” or “Newt Gingrich.”

CONFIDENTIAL TO: Vickie Carr. I’ve received autographed books by legendary playwright David Mamet, was able to interview Louie Perez and David Hidalgo of Los Lobos in front of a live audience in Oakland, have had Cheech Marin enthusiastically shake my hand and proclaim himself a fan—the celebrity readers of this columna and their generosity toward me knows no bounds. But to get an autographed glossy photo of you thanking me for my work? You’ve made this hombre blush enough to last the year. Gracias for the kind words, and for being such a great role model for our community. ¡Eres chingona!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

The San Diego Sockers announced the signing of midfielder Jason Santos to a contract for the remainder of the 2011-2012 season. Santoswill accompany the team on its trip toMonterrey,Mexicofor the upcoming FIFRA Championships.

“Jason has been training hard with the Sockers Reserves and deserves an opportunity to showcase his talents with the parent club,” said general manager John Kentera.

Santos, 24, was born and raised inCardiffby the Sea and graduated from La Costa Canyon High School, where he was captain of the soccer team his senior season and first-team all-Avocado League. Santoswent on to play college soccer at UC Davis, where he was a two-year starter and named the team’s most inspirational player in 2010.

Jason’s brother Joe Santos is also a member of the Sockers Reserves team.

The Sockers will play in the first-ever FIFRA Championships, an international exhibition tournament featuring the Sockers, the Liga Mexicana de Futbol Rapido champion Monterrey Flash, and teams from Canada and Ecuador, taking place in Monterrey February 2^nd-5^th.

San Diego(13-0) returns home on February 11^th to take on the Arizona Storm. Tickets are available for the January 21^st, 2012 game between the Sockers and the Storm online at www.sdsockers.com, through TicketMaster or by phone at (866)-799-GOAL.

By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: It’s so sad to see your wimpy answers. Your replies scream self-hatred and self-shame for your raza. You’re pathetic! No plan or desire to fix Mexico’s problems. You’re a puto with no huevos. My DREAM Act would be that you Mexicans would stop groveling to gringos, and scream about fixing Mexico, like WHITE PEOPLE did against the Iron Curtain thing. ONLY THEN will your Mexican self-shaming and self-hatred of your un-macho, puto, groveling raza change to real pride, which you know you deserve, like gringos got about America.

Groveling is Puto Stuff

Dear Gabacho: Groveling? Chulo, this is the only column in the country that refers to gabachos as gabachos instead of the candy-ass “gringo” like your gabacho ass uses. No desire to fix Mexico? What’s billions of dollars of remittances, then—or the Reconquista, for that matter? Or those marches of millions rallying for amnesty? That’s a movement as epic as Solidarity or glasnot (and last I checked, a chingo of Eastern Bloc refugees worked from los Estados Unidos to liberate their homelands). Pride for America? All I hear from Know Nothings is how horrible the U.S. is, yet they do nothing to improve it other than rant—they sound just like Mexicans used to until we started doing instead of crying. Self-hatred and self-shame? The only thing this Mexican is ashamed of is his panza—and even then, it’s a panza more glorious in its contentment and fire than any gabacho panza can ever hope to attain. Huevos that, pendejo.

Cada día me and my perro Manchas go for an afternoon walk in this North Denver parque. We often pass the gringo gentry who are temporarily “improving” the neighborhood as an investment. You know how the gentry are—they move into the barrio but send their precious güeritos to the charter schools so they won’t get piojos from our kids or wind up pregnant with half-brown babies. Anyway, I swear, every time me and Manchas pass one of these purebred, hyper-trained gentry dogs, the owners pull their pinches perros away from mine so they can’t sniff cola or . . . you know. He’s a “purebred” Australian Cattle Dog (simón, a canine mestizo) and came off a reservation. But I bathe him once a year, brush him daily—más o menos—and he doesn’t even have piojos. Me, either.

I guess my queston is: how can the gentry know that he’s Spanish- surnamed, bilingual and mestizo, since they’ve even never talked to us? And is there anything I can do so Manchas doesn’t grow up with a pocho complex and think he’s inferior to a gringo’s dog?

Yankee Hipsters Go Home!

Dear Wab: Gotta pay our respect to our veteranos—they can ramble as awesomely as any gabacho at a retirement home! I think what you’re complaining about is the gentrification of historically Mexican neighborhoods by hipsters, a phenomenon happening everywhere from Denver to Los Angeles, SanTana to Chicago and beyond. It’s important to fight the encroachment of pendejos with no ties to the area who start demanding changes—get rid of quinceañera shops, of crowing roosters, of cars parked on lawns or corn grown in the backyard and nopales in the front. At the mismo time, though, raza really angry with gentrification should practice gente-fication, the process of young locals getting over their pocho complex opening their own businesses to pump enough money back into the area so that city bureaucrats don’t have any excuse to use the ruse of redevelopment on raza. Think of that strategy as our economic Mexican-American War—and if there are hipsters who are respectful of the old guard, like the San Patricios that joined our side against the invading Yankees so long ago, then I say embrace their ranks, pound a PBR with them, and teach them the secrets of scaring insufferable hipsters away from the barrio by blasting Banda El Recodo at all hours of the noche.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

Roberto Fernandez

Roberto Fernandez concedes that it’s sometimes lonely being a bluesman in Culiacan. The capital of the Mexican state of Sinaloa, Culiacan is best known for the banda or grupera sounds that also provide the drum beat to the narco-culture and violence that’s enveloped the region.

“There’s no blues scene,” Fernandez chuckles. “We are the only ones.” The frontman for the Malverde Blues Experience, Fernandez is a big man with a voice to match. His stage projection recalls in some ways Leslie West of the old US rock group Mountain, and Fernandez’s band mates lay out a thundering sound with slices of heavymetal, soul and the Texas boogie of ZZ Top.

As for the name of the group, Fernandez offers two explanations, both of them riddled with Mexican experiences of immigration, contraband smuggling, banditry and myth-making.

The name “Malverde” (literally “Bad Green”), says the lead singer, is taken from an Indiana friend’s bummer high on marijuana that could be considered a “blues experience.” Pressed further, Fernandez accepts that Malverde, of course, is also the patron saint of Sinaloa’s narcos and poor people who revere the outlaw figure outside the formal rituals of the Roman Catholic Church.

“The name seemed perfect to me because it situates us in that mythic context, which in the final analysis is the basis of all societies,” Fernandez muses. The music of Malverde Blues Experience, he adds, not only speaks to the realities of a violent hometown but to “universal situations that happen anywhere.”

In a land of mariachis, romantic trios, norteno stars and cumbia crooners, few probably would think of Mexico as a blues country. But swimming underneath popular musical currents and far removed from the radar screen of the commercial mainstream, a dedicated if struggling blues scene inspired by Mississippi legends, British interpreters and contemporary masters plugs onward against the grain.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the capital of Mexico City is the most visible front of the blues warriors. The big city hosts the annual Polanco Blues Festival, a smattering of radio programs, regular performances and even an Internet magazine devoted to the blues.

Different groups perform covers and original songs in both Spanish and English. Formed by veterans of emblematic Mexican blues bands like Real de Catorce, a defunct group named after an old silver mine, Callejon Azul (Blue Alley) is one of the most active combos on the circuit.

“It´s becoming a big movement in Mexico City, and one with quality,” says Marycarmen Velasquez, Callejon Azul’s lead singer.

“(Mexican blues bands) are not groups that play all covers. They bring original compositions that are musically fine-tuned and done by quality musicians,” Velasquez says. Although Callejon Azul samples some covers, Velasquez says her group concentrates on producing original tunes in Spanish. The blues singer says she was influenced by Koko Taylor but early on searched for her “own style.”

Callejon Azul songwriter and bassist Salvador Arceo says that instead of social commentary, his band prefers introspective themes that touch on sexuality, love and disillusion.

“More than anything we do personal songs, but all of them with the feeling of being human,” Arceo affirms.

Callejon Azul and fellow groups get out their music and word of their gigs through Facebook, Myspace and CD.

For Mexican blues lovers, or bluseros, the Internet magazine Cultura Blues (culturablues.com) is a must-read source of information about upcoming concerts like the January 28 battle of the harmonicas scheduled for Mexico City’s Rock Blues Factory club. In addition to the regular reviews, the current edition of the publication (January 2012) contains an old interview with Muddy Waters, a piece on a Jimi Hendrix record and a discography of Spanish-language blues music.

Located about six hours’ driving time north of Mexico City, Aguascalientes is another important center of the blues. Best known for its huge Nissan factory and mammoth, beer-soaked San Marcos Fair, Aguascalientes also stages the Aguas Blues festival every November. Last year’s edition of the free festival celebrated the 15th anniversary of an event that draws blues musicians from across Mexico and, when the budget permits, from abroad. The slogan of Aguas Blues is simple: “The Blues Lifts Up the Spirits.”

At the 2011 festival, an enthusiastic crowd of hundreds packed the elegant and acoustically fine Teatro Aguasca-lientes to hear blues messengers tell it like it is.

Longtime festival organizer Juan Manuel Munoz admits he was surprised by the first turnout for a festival showcasing music with a decidedly underground presence. Munoz says that while Mexicans have a different history than the African Americans of the US South, his countrymen can relate to the adverse social situations and deep emotional feelings that electrify the blues.

“We identify with the suffering, the pain, the social problems,” Munoz says. “From the inception, many blues players try to imitate the greats like Muddy Waters or those before him.”

A live wire on stage, Jimmy Hernandez has been at the core of Aguascalientes’ blues scene for 30 years. In his long career Hernandez has played with several bands, and his latest group is aptly called Los Amigos del Blues (Friends of the Blues).

“The music makes my heart vibrate. For me, it’s life,” says the singer/harp player. A music teacher by day, Hernandez says he was influenced by blues pioneers like Robert Johnson. He then picked up the harmonica after listening to British musician John Mayall. Concurring with other Mexican artists, Hernandez says creating and disseminating the blues is not always an easy task. Like US musicians, the obstacles confronting Mexican blues practitioners are many: juggling day jobs with the demands of the craft, virtual blackouts by commercial radio stations, sometimes difficult club owners and fans that don’t always turn out to smaller, routine gigs that help take care of the bills.

“(Day) work is our activity,” Hernandez says, “because here in Aguascalientes music doesn’t pay.”

Yet the blues keeps attracting new generations of players and fans. Luis Sifuentes followed in his father’s footsteps and played with the old man’s band, Los Amigos del Blues, at last fall’s Aguas Blues fest. The 16-year-old guitarist says he enjoyed seeing the different musical styles. An admirer of British axe men like Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton, Sifuentes says the blues is a minority musical preference among Mexican young people, but one that nevertheless attracts some like himself.

“You can improvise a lot. That’s what stirs my interest,” the budding bluesman says. “If we can compare (blues) with other musical genres, it is total improvisation.”

Even at his young age, Sifuentes exudes the commitment of a die-hard blues fan. “The blues is a music that does not deserve to die,” he adds. “It’s a great musical tradition that should continue progressing through the years.”

Blues promoter Juan Manuel Munoz could not be more in agreement.

“I think it’s a safe bet to say that (blues) is among the genres that aren’t easily forgotten, because it is feeling and that’s what motivates people,” he says. “The blues is more alive than ever.”

Frontera NorteSur: on-line, U.S.-Mexico border news Center for Latin American and Border Studies New Mexico State University Las Cruces, New Mexico

Por: Paco Zavala

El artista Adeeb Maki Jasim trabajando en su taller.

Inauguran extraordinaria exposición pictórica denominada “Ritmo Sufi: Variaciones de un mismo tema/ Variations on Sufi Thems” que presenta el artista iraki Adeeb Maki Jasim, el próximo viernes 27 de enero, a las 19:00 horas, en la Galería de la ciudad en el Palacio de la Cultura de Tijuana.

“El sufismo es la doctrina de los sufíes, es una mística musulmana originada en Persia, que ha inspirado la mas alta poesía en esa lengua”. Esta muestra pictórica reúne estas características, pero llevadas al lienzo con colores creados por el mismo artista, así estos trabajos tienen el sello personalizado de Adeeb Maki Jasim.

En la obra de Adeeb Maki Jasim, utiliza la idea del santuario como un enfoque y fundamento que al artista le inspira un símbolo que evoca al sufismo como una practica de “abstracción y minimalismo”. El sufismo, indicó el artista: “para mí corresponde a un ejemplo de amor, de una pureza espiritual o un sentimiento indemne, libre de intereses o anhelos”. Como tradición el sufismo también juega con temas de amor de niño: espontaneo, libre, nostálgico y de ensueño.

La exposición reúne 22 pinturas, de diversos tamaños, con dimensiones desde 39 x 47, 36 x 36 hasta 12 x 12 pulgadas. El artista indicó que: “despues de experimentar por más de 20 años, utiliza actualmente sus propios materiales, emplea además diferentes medios que contribuyen a lograr la tridimensionalidad de sus obras”. Y dice ademas: “Constantemente intento concebir una topografía para mi obra, como si estuviera creando una pintura esculpida, y así voy produciendo el efecto que me interesa lograr. Conforme añado colores, voy acercándome a una impresión o evocación similar a la de un mural o relieve sobre una pared. Pocas veces uso pincel, salvo para darle definición a la caligrafía”.

El artista ha exhibido sus pinturas en el mundo árabe, en EE.UU y en el Reino Unido, ahora lo hace en Mexico. Va a estar muy interesante el visitar esta exposición, ya tendremos oportunidad de comentar un poco mas sobre el artista y su trabajo en fecha posterior.

Para concluir adicionaremos las siguiente nota: El Museo de Historia de Tijuana, instalado en uno de los espacios del Palacio de la Cultura de Tijuana, a partir del pasado jueves 19 de enero, ya no cobrará más la entrada, ahora el acceso es completamente gratuito.

Esta decisión se tomó para beneficiar a la población, de esta manera tiene acceso a interiorizarse en la historia de Tijuana, en su proceso de desarrollo desde que se fundó hasta nuestros días.

El museo cuenta con una sala de exposición permanente en su segunda planta y dos salas de exposiciones temporales en su planta baja. Actualmente se exhibe la exposición temporal “Historia de familias tijuanenses”, en la que se muestran fotografías, objetos y documentos. El museo permanece abierto de martes a domingo de las 10:00 am. a 18:00 pm. Para información solicítela al 01152 (664) 688-1721 Ext. 107.

John Baldessari is one of the most influential artists working today. A native of National City, Calif., Baldessari has been making art for decades. In 1960, MCASD—then the La Jolla Art Center—gave Baldessari his first exhibition. His relationship with the Museum has continued, including the 1997 exhibition National City. MCASD is honored to welcome Baldessari back to the Museum, this time with an expansive survey of his entire body of printmaking.

Drawn from the impressively rich and deep holdings of contemporary prints assembled by collector, business man, and philanthropist Jordan Schnitzer, this exhibition represents the largest offering of Baldessari’s graphic oeuvre ever assembled.

Baldessari took on printmaking in the 1970s and has continued unabated. With laconic wit and visual restraint, he alters and crops photographic images to build a beguiling visual vocabulary. This retrospective of Baldessari’s prints, including more than 100 works made between 1973 and 2010 in media as diverse as lithography, etching, photogravure, aquatint, photo intaglio, embossing, silk-screen, and beyond.

For Baldessari his collaboration with numerous presses and printers and his nonstop experimentation with materials and media are testimony to his devotion to the endless potentials of printmaking. Baldessari places a high value on the art of printmaking, and this exhibition will reveal the rich results of this engagement.

By Gustavo Arellano

SPECIAL MORMON EDICIÓN

Dear Readers: I usually save reruns of my columna for when I have to smuggle in the latest cousin from the rancho, but the ascendancy of Republic presidential candidate Mitt Romney must be addressed—namely, that he’s half-Mexican. The lamestream media is treating this as a revelation—never mind that I addressed this issue during the last presidential campaign. Not only that, many voters fear Romney’s Mormon faith. Pendejos: that’s the least-scary part of the Romney agenda. So, sin further ado, here’s my PSA for Mitt to clear up any confusion—hope you don’t win, but I’ll expect the ambassadorship to Guatemala for this service if my candidate Alfred E. Neuman doesn’t triumph, cabrón.

Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on page 54, it says on the left side of the page in verse 6, “There shall none come into this land save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord.” I want as many Mexicans in this country as possible, and then I want to tell them about Joseph Smith and get them baptized and enjoy the blessings of the temple. Come on down—you are welcome by me.

Love My Brown Brothers

Dear Gabacho: Gracias for your welcoming heart, even if your ulterior motive is stealing Mexicans away from the Virgin of Guadalupe for a religion in which Jell-O is the only allowable narcotic. While we’re talking about Moroni worshipers, can you do me a favor and ask Mitt Romney why he’s such an ingrate toward Mexicans? After all, Romney probably would’ve been some Jack Mormon jerk-off if it weren’t for porous fronteras and living in violation of a country’s laws. His great-grandfather Miles Park Romney fled los Estados Unidos for Mexico during the 1880s to escape American authorities and continue his polygamous ways, while Mitt’s papi, George, was born in Chihuahua and therefore is more Mexican than your typical Chicano Studies major. Not only that, but Pancho Villa’s troops were kind enough to not massacre Mormon colonies during the Mexican Revolution, thus allowing the infant George and his family to return home and ensure Mitt’s Brilliantined hair would grace America. One final point, Brown Brothers: por favor, tell Mitt and all other Mexican-hating LDSers that the Book of Mormon requires amnesty for illegals. The above quote you cited came from the Second Book of Nephi and is a wonderful passage, but what about the one before it? 2 Nephi 1:5 tells the Saints that Lehi prophesied about America, “Yea, the Lord hath covenanted this land unto me, and to my children forever, and also all those who should be led out of other countries by the hand of the Lord.” Here that, Mitt? Let my gente go—into the United States for the free health care, por supuesto.

I heard Mormonism is a quickly spreading religion down in ye olde Mexico. What is it about this religion that a lot of Mexicans find so fascinating?

Jack Mormón

DEAR Gabacho: Historically? Mexico has long had the second-largest community of Mormons in the world after the United States—official LDS figures estimate 1.2 million members live in Mexico, a significant increase from the 783,000 estimated in 1999. This community has existed for almost 135 years, created after polygamous Mormons who wanted to keep their multiple wives moved down south because, hey, anything goes down Mexico way, right? Sociologically? Mormons are masters of proselytizing—the increase in numbers “shows that a church group can produce a short-term phenomenal growth rate by committing resources to missionary activity,” according to Professor James W. Dow in his 2003 scholarly paper “The Growth of Protestant Religions In Mexico and Central America.” Theologically? My understanding of Mormonism is that it places an emphasis on the family, encourages couples to have as many children as possible, stresses the dominion of the husband over the family and hates homosexuals. If those attributes aren’t appealing to Mexicans, then I’m Moroni himself.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

A scene from the Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour.

Who could forget the day Michael Jackson’s death was solely a heavy rumor waiting confirmation. Rumor or not, it was breaking news across all genres. I mean, we were talking Michael Jackson –the King of Pop, the little boy with the huge afro that stood out through his gracious voice amongst The Jackson Five, who later astonished the world with his unique dancing moves, frightened teenagers with his thrilling movie-like videos of werewolves, zombies and what not, and as the man who also raised controversies over his socially odd behavior but who lastly, really just brought a world of fans together one last time as we said goodbye.

Two years after his death, Cirque du Soleil brings to stage “Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour”, a spectacle that wraps the beginning and the end of a career full circle in a way that only Cirque du Soleil knows how to do. From start to finish, the crowd is dancing, singing, clapping and yes, crying as well. As the show evolves, Michael’s songs are played and you will hear no one but his voice resonate in the arena, everyone on stage plays a key role in reflecting the effect that his music has on fans, after all, everyone onstage is not only a Cirque performer, they are a true Michael Jackson fan.

In interviewing Leo Moctezuma, one of the show’s performers of Latino decent coming from a proud Puerto Rican family, I asked what his most vivid memory of Michael growing up was, he quickly responded “Aside from watching Michael Jackson’s Moon Walker movie on repeat as a child and trying to learn all the dance steps from each video, I still remember seeing MJ live in Concert, The History Tour 15 rows back from stage on January 4th 1997 at the “Aloha Bowl” in Hawaii with my sister, where I went to High School. I cried, danced and sang almost every song.”

Needless to say, Moctezuma expressed how blessed and honored he feels to be part of the tour nearly fifteen years since that concert. Like a dream in the making, he’s thrilled to share this unbelievably unique experience with his family and most of all -other MJ fans. “I get to dance to his music that I grew up to, and actually do a lot of his original choreography! Michael has influenced me and the world in so many ways, I feel fortunate to help continue spreading his message through music art and basically keeping his spirit alive… Immortal!”

Something many probably didn’t know about the King of Pop is that he was a huge Cirque du Soleil fan. The show’s Publicist, Maxime Charbonneau shared Jackson’s admiration for Cirque du Soleil’s artistic creativity, “…he had seen most of our touring shows in California, and many of the resident shows in Las Vegas. Michael saw our first show to tour the US in 1989 and also visited the Cirque du Soleil International headquarters in 2003. Michael had a lot of respect and admiration for the creativity and artistry involved in Cirque du Soleil production. He saw some of our shows many times, and mentioned to us that he would have loved one day to work on a project with Cirque du Soleil.”

“Unfortunately, we weren’t able to make this happen while he was still alive. After Michael’s passing, Cirque got in touch with The Estate to start working on a unique concept, an ultimate tribute to Michael’s music, his legacy, and his work as a unique human being. Mixing both Cirque du Soleil unique vision to Michael’s music was a match made in heaven. It creates a unique experience for Cirque and Michael Jackson fans,” continued Charbonneau.

One thing you should know about Cirque du Soleil’s tribute to Michael Jackson through this show, is that it is just that -a tribute to his legacy. Don’t go in expecting to experience what would’ve or could’ve been the tour Michael Jackson was preparing so hard for before he passed. This is in no way trying to top, resemble or compete with that, it’s a show all in it’s own stemming from Michael’s admiration for the creativeness, passion and dedication that artists at Cirque du Soleil spill over the stage and onto the audience time and again. Nonetheless, you’ll thoroughly enjoy the music which is all Michael Jackson’s, the costumes resemble many of his signature outfits including the rhinestone gloves and black shoes. An interesting fact about the costumes is that not one single performer’s real hair is used during the show, as real as it may seem, everyone wears a wig and there are quite a few state of the art outfits reliant on technology to lighten up the arena so keep an eye out for those, you’ll be mesmerized.

Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour will be stopping in San Diego for a two day run. Performances are scheduled for Saturday, January 21 and Sunday, January 22 at the Valley View Casino 3500 Sports Arena Blvd.

Por muchos años, fumar un cigarro encarnaba el símbolo engañoso de “libertad” y cambio. “Echarse un cigarrito” solía representar el abandono de la infancia y el ingreso al mundo romántico de la adolescencia.

Algunos de mi generación fumaban por curiosidad, otros lo hacían por presión, los más inseguros sentían que la exhalación de una bola de humo demostraba la supuesta virilidad del individuo. En mis tiempos mozos, en general los chicos fumaban más que las chicas.

Todos sabíamos que el cigarro era un producto dañino, aunque su perversidad social estaba asociada con cuentos mitológicos que nos producían miedo e inseguridad en el momento de llevar el filtro del cigarrillo a los labios.

“El humo de la nicotina es la madre de la impotencia sexual, o no vas a crecer si fumas demasiado”, solían asustarnos.

Sin embargo, ninguno de nosotros sabía que el consumo del cigarro estaba manipulado para crear dependencia sobre el ser humano. Nadie sospechaba que Philip Morris y otras compañías tabaqueras contrataban científicos, analistas sociales y económicos para, por un lado, corromper el cerebro del ser humano y, por el otro, generar más dinero a costa de la salud del individuo. Tampoco sabíamos que la influencia de los industriales tabaqueros se extendía sobre algunos políticos en Washington.

El reciente documental cinematográfico, ADDICTION INCORPORATED, nos permite visibilizar no solo la dependencia que causa el cigarro, sino también el submundo mani-pulador que encierra el tabaco y encara, a través de los personajes de la película, el proceso jurídico que hace posible las desmantelación de la maquinaria falaz de la industria cigarrera.

Addiction Incorporated es una película documental que no solo beneficia la inteligencia del adulto, sino también es un antídoto visual que altera la noción de las nuevas generaciones en torno al tabaco.

“El cigarro no produce dependencia instantánea”, comenta Victor deNoble, personaje principal del documental, a un grupo de niños. “Es un proceso en el que el individuo, en un momento insospechado e inoportuno, se da cuenta que tiene una necesidad imperiosa, a la cual es sumamente difícil de abandonar”.

Paradójicamente la dependencia a la nicotina es precisamente la última meta de la industria tabaquera, porque solo así asegura grandes ganancias en sus arcas.

Addiction Incorporated también nos habla de la verdad y la mentira; del ocultamiento y la transparencia; y de la inocencia y la madurez.

Por muchos años, la industria tabaquera nos inundó de comerciales publicitarios facciosos, sin ética y dañinos para el individuo y la sociedad. Nos dijeron que el cigarro crea “libertad” y aumenta la confianza del individuo en el trabajo. Nos ocultaron que detrás del humo del cigarrillo estaba la dependencia y la muerte.

Addiction Incorporated también hace espacio a la reivindicación. Como cualquier joven recién egresado de la universidad, Victor de Noble encuentra un trabajo bien remunerado en los laboratorios de Philip Morris, el cual le permite alcanzar sus metas profesionales.

Su trabajo consiste en encontrar un cigarro que no produzca dependencia, y no sea dañino al individuo. El joven investigador trató, luchó, pero al final, como se los hizo saber a un grupo de estudiantes escolares, “no existe un cigarro que no haga daño al individuo. Lo mejor es no fumar”.

Así, Addiction Incorporated nos invita hacer una mirada a nuestra historia y a nuestras experiencias cotidianas.

De adolescente, tuve el infortunio de fumar. Empero nunca fui dependiente. Tal vez fui uno de los pocos afortunados. Pero hoy, después de ver el documental, me doy cuenta que mi nombre fue incluido en la lista interminable los fabricantes de adicción.

Addiction Incorporated será presentado en Enero 27 y Febrero 2 en las salas de Lanmark Ken Cinema, 4061 Adams Avenue, San Diego.

The Juried art exhibition, undoubtedly the maincourse of this equisite program, has attracted international attention with entries coming in from all over the United States as well as across the border. Last years panel of jurors, Anya Gallacio, Jamex de la Torre and Kinsee Morlan contributed to the amazing success of our very first juried exhibit. This year, we are honored to count on the participation of Larry Baza, Gwen Gomez and Ava Ordorica, who all have an immense track record working with artists and art spaces in the San Diego community.

The 5th Annual Dia de la Mujer Exhibition, MUJER: The Force Within will open on Thursday March 8th 2012, and will run until March 29th 2012. The exhibition is open to all women and is limited to 2-dimensional mediums. The deadline for submissions is February 16, 2012. There is a limit of 2 entries per artist and an entry fee of $10.00 per entry submitted.

For more information on The Dia de la Mujer celebration and for submission guidelines please see attached and/or contact Leticia Gomez Franco, Director of Arts & Culture at leticiag@casafamiliar.org

Chas Kroll, Executive Director of American Tea Masters Association and Certified Tea Master announced, “This course is a great opportunity for Spanish-speaking people in the USA who wish to take their passion for tea and its health benefits to a professional level. There has been so much interest in the US, that for the first time, ATMA is offering the course in Spanish.”

The Certified Tea Sommelier Course is suited to restaurant and tea court owners and managers, wine sommeliers, tea aficionados, industry suppliers, and others who wish to incorporate tea mastery skills into their personal or professional lives.

Margo Seymour, owner of the Denver Tea Room in Colorado, finished the Certified Tea Master course in 2010. Now she confidently knows her teas as well as how to best market her tea room. Seymour expects that her business in 2011 will triple that of 2010.

As the profession expands there is growing demand for Certified Tea Sommeliers. Respected hotels, traditional and modern tea rooms, high-end restaurants, and tea-shops, create an important base for a professional tea sommelier.

The Certified Tea Sommelier Course provides a thorough foundation for those interested in managing the tea service, including: vendor selection, creating tea menus, seasonal tea rotation, managing guest preferences, and providing accurate background information on myriad teas.

The course starts with a 4-day intensive training at the Liberty Station Courtyard by Marriott. This is followed by home study utilizing online tutorials led by Morlechetti between February and September 2012. Tuition for the entire course is $ 2,390. Early registration is available until December 19, 2011, at $ 2,200. To register, contact Morla/chetti at info@escueladete.org. 

About American Tea Masters Association:

Founded in 2007, the American Tea Masters Association’s prestigious　Certified Tea Master™ designation is awarded following completion of the　Tea Mastery Certification Course™, to

deserving Tea Masters and Tea Som-meliers dedicated to promoting the experience of quality, loose-leaf specialty teas grown around the world. Further information is available at www.TeaMasters.org

 By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: How come Mexicans don’t perform in the Winter Olympics? What—no talent? Or are Mexicans afraid of snow? I’m thinking both. Also, Mexicans don’t do too well in the Summer Olympics, either—they even suck in soccer. There is plenty of snow in Mexico, so don’t use that excuse.

Dumber, Stupider, Pendejo-er

Dear Gabacho: Lies, all lies. Mexico did participate in the 2010 Winter Olympics, in the form of some fresa Alpine skier named Hubertus von Hohenlohe, who got worldwide attention because—chingao!—he was a Mexican in the Winter Olympics. Sure, Mexico is no Norway and does have snow, but take a look at the map of the world, find the countries sharing Mexico’s latitude, and you’ll see few, if any of them participate in the Winter Olympics, let alone medal. As for the summer Olympics, Mexico had as many medalists—three—as India, and as many gold medals (two) as Argentina and Cuba, two Latin American countries that spend muchos pesos on their Olympic programs. Why the relative subpar showings? The answer is in this joke: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? Because all the people who could run, jump, and swim are already in the United States.

I’m a white American woman. My ex-boyfriend (who I have a son by) refuses to acknowledge any of his Mexican heritage. He was born in Los Angeles, his mother in Texas, his father in Ohio, and his grandparents in Mexico. His parents both speak Spanish but mostly choose to use English; meanwhile I know more Spanish (which isn’t very much) than my ex! He acts as if Mexicans are stupid and not worthy of being any part of him. My son is blessed with a tan all year round, dark brown eyes and dark coarse hair, yet I’m the one who sees the beauty in this, not his father. He has said proudly that he wishes he would have a child with light hair and blue eyes. How could he be so self-hating, when he made such a beautiful child? I’m concerned that my son will grow up denying this very important part of him, all because his father has a distorted self-image. What can I do to make sure my son accepts himself and embraces what he partially came from?

REAL Mexican-Loving Gabacha

Dear Gabacha: Self-hate has always played a role in the Mexican psyche (read the works of Nobel laureate Octavio Paz for classical insight)—but that doesn’t mean your hijo needs to fall into that vicious cycle. Not sure of your arrangement with your pendejo of an ex (dual custody? Visitation rights? Itinerant?), but the important thing for you to do is inculcate your son with Mexican culture. Sing him the songs of Cri-Cri, the Mexican version of Doctor Seuss. Have him watch Dora the Explorer, and that other show with her Diego sidekick, whoever the hell he is. Indulge hi with Sesame Street, which has been loving Mexican culture ever since Linda Ronstadt sang ranchera classics with a Muppet mariachi, as iconic a cultural validation moment for my generation of Mexicans as the Supremes singing at the Copacabana. Graduate him into age-appropriate material (modern-day Mexican music, sexycomedias, Sabado Gigante) when applicable. And tell your ex to man up—just because he’s a self-hating Mexican, just because he got shit from his generation of playground racists, doesn’t mean he has to ruin it for his morenito. It’s the 21st Reconquista century, for chrissakes, not the era of the castas.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

A front view of the Volkswagon Bug. Photo by Alejandro Piedra Buena

The San Diego Museum of Art will debut Vochol: Huichol Art on Wheels’ international tour, a captivating display of more than 2,277,000 glass beads arranged on a classic Volkswagon Bug – the canvas for the exclusive cultural design. This original work of art will kick-off its international tour in San Diego on January 19 and run through March 10. A true testament to Mexican popular art, the patterns and designs displayed on the car create a bright, colorful image embodying the ethos of the Huichol culture.

The Huichol culture includes approximately 26,000 people who live primarily in the states of Jalisco, Nayarit, and Zacatecas. They have traditionally been a nomadic culture, but in recent times they have settled into more permanent residences in Western Mexico. Along with the many distinctive customs that characterize their culture is a dedication to the visual arts that is realized most often in the forms of yarn paintings or beadwork applied on select objects. The Huichol are a deeply spiritual people and much of their traditional artistic output is an extension of their faith.

Vochol combines the traditions of the Huichol with an icon of popular culture, the Volkswagen Beetle. Within this work of art, as with many traditional Huichol works, the artists have incorporated references to animals such as deer (the most revered of all animals), peyote (used as a part of a sacred ritual), and various abstract designs.

After leaving the Museo de Arte Popular, its place of origin, Vochol will embark on an international tour starting in San Diego, moving on to several esteemed institutions worldwide such as the Smithsonian Museum of the American Indian in Washington D.C. and the Musée de Quai Branly in Paris. Vochol will ultimately be sold at auction by the Friends of el Museo de Arte Popular in Mexico City to support the work of Mexican artisans.

Vochol: Huichol Art on Wheels, organized by the Asociación de Amigos del Museo de Arte Popular (AA-MAP) and Governments of the States of Nayarit and Jalisco, took seven months to construct and is truly an unprecedented work.

Museum Information:

The San Diego Museum of Art is located at 1450 El Prado in Balboa Park, San Diego. General Information, (619) 232-7931, Website: www.TheSanDiegoMuseumofArt.org.

Por: Paco Zavala

Opera de Tijuana, Coro con niños de colonias populares en gran concierto navideño.

¡Ufff! Hasta que llegó el último segundo del 2011, muchos mortales suspiraron y descansaron, pero que año tan difícil para el mundo entero, catástrofes por todos rumbos, pleitos y sinsabores entre los pueblos, una economía mundial vapuleada como nunca, cona-tos de guerra; en fín, fue un año terrible, pero hemos recibido un buen año 2012, fíjese Ud. “este es un año bisiesto, además comenzó en día domingo, primer día de la semana”, creo que éste será un mejor año que el 2011.

Entremos en materia y para iniciar, la Institución Opera de Tijuana realizó un buen trabajo en 2011, organizaron y participaron los directivos, músicos y cantantes importantes con-ciertos, su Festival Anual de Opera en la Calle y para cerrar el año, apoyados por SEDESOL, llevaron a cabo un trabajo comunitario realizado a través de 4 talleres de canto en las colonias populares: Camino Verde, El Florido, Altiplano y Granjas Familiares, en las que participaron 70 niños en total, entre 6 y 13 años, quienes bajo la dirección de los Maestros: Roberto Tejero, Saúl Hernández y Rubi Ramírez, adquirieron muchas herramientas, destreza y experiencia, tales como ejercicios de respiración, uso del diafragma, hasta lograr una buena emisión de voz y sobre todo la preparación necesaria para ensayar y montar villancicos, los que presentaron en cada colonia y cerraron con un Magno Concierto Navideño, que presentaron el pasado 19 de diciembre en la colonia Granjas Familiares, a donde se trasladaron todos los niños participantes en estos trabajos.

Después de haber cerrado sus actividades del año 2011 Opera de Tijuana, apoyada por SEDESOL, refrenda su filosofía de llevar su espectáculo de buen canto a todos los rincones de la ciudad, los cuales se localizan a distancia de los foros convencionales, cumpliendo con una imperiosa necesidad de aportar arte y cultura a esta gran ciudad fronteriza.

En otra nota, este viernes 6 de enero, en el Museo del Trompo será inaugurada la Exposición “El niño y color del artista” con obras del artista Enrique Chiu. Esta exposición toma ese nombre porque muestra de una forma más sublime y sencilla la expresión, que algunos tuvimos de niños y la mayoría de ellos lo manifestamos mediante lo que vemos, tocamos y jugamos, teniendo como referencia los juguetes.

Para concluir, el próximo viernes 6 de enero, toda la ciudad de Tijuana, estará de plácemes, arribarán los ya tradicionales Reyes Magos: Melchor, Gaspar y Baltazar, trayendo en sus maletas juguetes, enormes roscas, chocolate y lo demás que se acostumbra en esta fecha.

La Casa de la Cultura Playas, Casa de la Cultura “El Pipila” y en el Antiguo Palacio Municipal , se celebrará el 6 de enero, Día de los Reyes Magos, sitios donde servirán una deliciosa rosca de reyes, chocolate caliente, además la presentación de diversos espectáculos, alusivos a esta fecha.

El Centro Cultural Tijuana, servirá en la Explanada, alrededor de la famosa “Bola” una monumental Rosca de Reyes, rociada con chocolatito caliente y un fabuloso espectáculo. La asistencia a estos eventos es gratuita.

The Soaring Eagles were participants in the Harbor Balloon parade.

Soaring Eagle 2012 dance workshop feels the chill of the winter season and the changes of the coming ‘Leap year’. This is the appropriate time to speak to the skill of Native American calendar accuracy. As compared to the errors of the Euro-based system we fudge and adjust to constantly-1/4 day here, one day there.

Middle America has two Tribal systems of calendar that are superior: Mayan and Aztec. In the USA Southwest the Pueblo and Hopi people have utilized seasonal and daily monitors that revealed the best time for planting and ceremonies.

The accepted definition of a solar tropical year is approximately 365.2422 days. The Gregorian calendar year has an average length of approximately 365.2425 days. The Gregorian calculation for a year is ((400 * 365) + 100 – 3 = 146,097) / 400 = 365.2425. The Mayan Calendar year comparison has an average length of approximately 365.2420 days. The Mayan calculation for a solar year is divided by 5,124 year periods which give the calendar the increased accuracy.

The Central Mexican Tribal calendar system is best known in the form that was used by the Aztecs. The years and cycles were recorded in the tonalpolualli or the sacred almanac of days. The Mayan referred to their almanac as the tzolkin. The Mayan tzolkin and the Aztec tonalpolualli were similar. But similar calendars were used by the Mixtecs, Zapotecs, Tlapanecs, Otomi, Matlatzinca, Totonac, Huastecs, P’urhépecha and at Teotihuacan. These calendars differed from the Maya version mainly in that they didn’t use the long count to fix dates into a larger chronological frame than the 52-year cycle.

To convert the ancient May-an calendar to the Gregorian (or modern) calendar, scholars use a numerical value (called the GMT). But Gerardo Aldana, a professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, says the data supporting the widely-adopted conversion factor may be invalid. In a chapter in the book “Calendars and Years II: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World,” Aldana casts doubt on the accuracy of the Mayan calendar correlation, saying that the 2012 prophecy as well as other historical dates may be off.

Historically Tribal America has been a major influence in the political and ethical basis of this great country. We can document influential human values, cultural lifestyles and political ideas that have become ingrained in the national American spirit.

We continually look forward to experienced, contest winners and past head dancers to mentor the children in the movement and steps of the American Indian traditional dance. These weekly immersions into traditional tribal culture and participation in public American Indian gatherings allow us to endure and remain a vital cultural, political, social, and moral presence in the San Diego region. We are fortunate to have volunteers to share their dance and song experience and truly blessed to have children eager to have a good time doing Indian things.

We invite you to bring your children and family to learn by observation and participation, a traditional way, the pow wow dance, music and also enjoy the friendship of the gatherings. San Diego American Indian pow wow trails lead to the Old Town, Harold J. Ballard Parent Center: 2375 Congress St, San Diego, CA 92110.

Also, remember to bring a potluck item or side dish for the Soaring Eagles evening feast. Everyone is welcome to attend the dance workshops.

Soaring Eagle 2012 Workshop schedule:

January 4, 11, 25; February 1, 8, 23, 30 all Wednesdays

March, 7, 14, 28 April 11, 25, May 2, 9, 23, and June 13 all Wednesdays

By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: In my hometown of Playa Larga (Long Beach, California), natives refer to a major avenida in our villa, Junipero Avenue (named for Father Junipero Serra, accused native genocider, a candidate for sainthood—but I digress) as Juan-a-pear-o. There is no “Juan” in Junipero, but that’s how everyone in this town pronounces it. People who reside on the street, real estate agents, residents, business owners—I even heard a former mayor pronounce it that way. Why do white Americans (and even some Guatemalan-Americans) bend over backwards to pronounce Junipero as Juan-a-pear-o to sound like they know how to pronounce it like a Spanish speaker, yet it is the most garbled malapropism of the word (should be pronounced ‘hoo-NEE-pear-o’)?

Hombre Blanco de Playa Larga

Dear Gabacho from Long Beach: Gotta say that in my lifetime of living in Southern California, I’ve never heard nadie pronounce Junipero like you say people mispronounce it—the malapropism I hear is “June-IH-pear-oh,” a fascinating medley of the proper accent placement on the third-to-last syllable in Junípero’s Spanish incarnation and a rigid following of English grammatical structure. Thus is the wonderful world of the grammatical gabacho colonizing of the American Southwest, where Yankees decided to keep many of the original Spanish names of territories, cities and geographical landmarks but Anglicize them— “Tex-as” instead of Teh-haas,” “Loss An-ju-less” instead of “Loce AHNG-heh-less,” or “A-ri-zone-ah” instead of “Hell-on-Earth” (okay, in fairness to the Sonora dog, just the parts of the state where Arpayaso and Brewer roam). Custodians of Cervantes, of course, cringe at gabachos mongrelization of Spanish-language place names, and that’s a beautiful thing: remember that one of the few cardinal rules of this columna is that language is fluid, and anyone who tries to box it in or gets their chonis in a bunch about it as deluded as Rick Santorum.

Why is every overweight, tattooed, goateed, bead-wearing, late-model-Tahoe-driving, non-educated enchilada in Texas a University of Texas fan? Why not A&M or Tech? Or Baylor (that’s obvious)? And one more thing: Please stop becoming belligerently drunk and taking it personal when the team on your Wal-Mart 3XL T-shirt loses. You have no personal ties with the team, so quit throwing up gang signs and using profanity in an atmosphere that’s meant to be fun. The drunk 19-year-old college kid means no harm when he screams, “Boomer!” so grow up and get a life.

Frustrated Educated Okie

Dear Gabacho: “Enchilada” as a slur against Mexicans? The 1950s called—they want their ethnic insult back. As for the fan question: same reason no one outside of Oklahoma gives a shit about the Sooners. Subway alumni like winners in football, and the Longhorns are the epitome of a winning program in the Lone Star State, while the Aggies, Red Raiders, UTEP Miners, Texas Christian University, the University of Houston, and Texas’ many other college football programs haven’t exhibited such gridiron dominance over the years. The Soooners haven’t dominated college football since the days of Barry Switzer—you really expect non-Okies to give a damn about a third-rate university that just played in something called the Insight Bowl? By the way, your Baylor dig is lost on me. Because Baylor is a private university? USC (the Trojans USC, not the Gamecocks one) is private and has more than a few wab alumni. Typical Sooner solipsism—but what else can we expect from a university that named itself after invading illegals? Go Cowboys (both the Dallas and Oklahoma State variants)!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

By Gustavo Arellano

SPECIAL BEST-OF EDITION

Dear Mexican: Thirteen years old, and I’m jacking off, not knowing I left the bathroom door ajar. Just as I blasted onto the shower curtain, my mom walked in. Aghast, she shouted, “¡Cochino, te vas hacer ciego y se te va enchocar el pito!” (“You pig! You’re going to go blind, and your dick will get crooked!”) Scared the hell out of me, and I stopped choking the chicken for at least a month. Is the threat of going blind from jerking off purely a Mexican belief, or is it universal? Gracias a Diós por laser eye surgery.

Pito Chueco

Dear Crooked Dick: All American boys have pickle-pulling hang-ups, but Mexican chavos suffer doubly gracias to two anti-masturbation schools of thought: the Puritan view that monkey-spanking is dirty because it leads to pleasure, and the Catholic insistence that wanking is a mortal sin because it doesn’t lead to life. For a history of the former, the Mexican recommends Thomas W. Laqueur’s fine 2003 book Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation, an academic tome with many interesting tidbits—for instance, did you know the Protestant war against beating your meat didn’t begin in earnest until the 1712 publication of Onania: or the Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution, and All Its Frightful Consequences in Both SEXES, Considered, With Spiritual and Physical Advice to Those Who Have Already Injur’d Themselves by This Abominable Practice? Catholic theologians, on the other hand, have maintained for millennia that masturbation is evil incarnate: Augustine of Hippo railed against it, St. Thomas Aquinas claimed in his epic Summa Theologica that dancing the one-fisted tango is worse than rape because rape can at least lead to pregnancy, and the Catechism of the Catholic Church describes rubbing your rocket as “an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.”

But thanks for sharing your plight, Pito Chueco: it’s further proof Mexicans assimilate into this great land. The dual dogmas of Protestantism and Catholicism, America and Mexico, old and new countries truly screw with a horny brown boy’s mind. The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality says “self-pleasuring is still one of the most anxiety-provoking of all sexual issues” for Mexicans, and I can attest to that—I continue to promise God that the last time really was the last time, that I defile myself because I’m a sinner. And then I do it again. Gracias a Diós for His eternal forgiveness.

Being in law enforcement, I’ve had to handle many radio runs. I think Mexicans are some of the hardest-working people in Mexi-America, but why is it that when Mexicans drink, they often stab or hit a brother or cousin? Why not a stranger to shake off some of that tension?

Hateful Hermanos Harmful

Dear Triple H Gabacho: The Mexican family and drinking is as volatile a mix as the Irish family and Jameson, but stats don’t support your anecdotal evidence. The 2005 study Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances by the United States Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics found “whites and blacks were more likely than Hispanics or persons of other races to be victimized by family violence” between 1998 and 2002, the most recent period investigated by the DOJ. As I’ve written before in this column, “alcohol” and “logic” repel each other like “border” and “enforcement”—apologies for the reiteration, gentle readers, but sometimes the most obvious answers are those that are pirated.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

This is a nationally and locally televised attraction; the USA Network will carry the national broadcast, while Channel 4 San Diego will produce the event and air it locally. The national broadcast is scheduled for Friday, December 30

th at 8 a.m. Channel 4 will broadcast the event live, and rebroadcast it several times.

“We are so proud of this event,” said Chuck Wasker, president of the 2011 Bridge-point Education Holiday Bowl. “Thanks to the efforts of hundreds of volunteers, folks all around the nation will enjoy a tremendous parade, and all the beauty San Diego has to offer.”

Recognized as “Amer-ica’s Largest Balloon Parade,” the event features more giant helium-filled character balloons than any parade in the country. Inflatables slated to soar include Jay Jay the Jet Plane, Raggedy Ann and Andy, Leonardo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Chugginton. In all, the balloons flying in the 2011 parade will require 50,000 cubic feet of helium.

Retired Vice-Admiral Edward H. Martin will be leading the fun as Grand Marshal.

Other events surrounding the parade include the Wiener-schnitzel Wiener Nationals, Bumble Bee Foods 5K Run and the Amtrak Family Festival.

The 2011 Wienerschnitzel Wiener Nationals pits eight of the fastest dachshunds from all over the Western United States against each other on a 56-foot track. “She’s Motorin” beat out more than 400 dachshunds in August qualifying to earn the San Diego spot in the finals. The winner will be featured in the parade aboard the Wienerschnitzel float. It starts at 9:30 a.m. in the parade television area.

The Bumble Bee Foods 5K Run kicks off the parade at 9:45 a.m. Awards will be given to the top three finishers in each division. Registration is still open. Runners will run in tens of thousands of spectators.

At the conclusion of the parade, families can enjoy the Amtrak Big Bay Family Festival on the Broadway Pier. This is a free event with scores of family-friendly activities and the annual Battle of the University Marching Bands.

New Year’s Bash at The New Children’s Museum – All Day Music & Dance Festival on Friday, December 30

The New Children’s Museum (NCM) has cooked up a New Year’s Eve bash that is perfect for kids and families: an all-day music and dance festival on Friday, December 30 from 11:00am until 4:00pm. Families can celebrate New Year’s Eve and enjoy an indoor/outdoor party at The New Children’s Museum, where the outdoor performances and NCM’s exhibition and art activities make the Museum a great place for families to spend time together. The performances take place throughout the day and feature everything from percussion for all ages to a tween pop trio to hip hop and more. Performing groups include Clint Perry & the Boo Hoo Crew, Rhythm Child, Pink Army, and Studio FX.

New Year’s Eve Bash at The New Children’s Museum, Friday, December 30, 2011, Free with Museum admission. 11am – 4pm. All ages

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS GIFT EDITION

Dear Readers:

In between your fifteenth tamale and sixth spiked cup of ponche, you’re going to have to buy regalos for Christmas or whatever pinche holiday you celebrate. Okay, you don’t have to, but you should, to support all those great indie businesses suffering during this Great Recession. Behold, then, your ¡Ask a Mexican! Xmas shopping list, a Mexican-approved cavalcade of chingonesthat will teach your kith and kin about Mexis, whether via literature, music, art, or other mediums. Enjoy!

Lalo Alcaraz: The great Chicano cartoonista is back with his annual calendar, and he promises the 2012 edition is a “RECONQUISTAPOCALYPSE” edition simultaneously celebrating the takeover of Aztlán and the Mayan prophecy proclaiming the end of the world. And did any of your local Occupy protests feature a poster of a mob taking down a statue of Monopoly’s Rich “Uncle” Pennybags? That was Lalo. www.laloalcaraz.com.

La Santa Cecilia: This group of hepcats were my resident house band back when I had a radio show, and they’ve gone on to bigger and better things since. Their music has made appearances on Weeds and Entourage, a wonderful mestizaje of klezmer, Django Reinhardt, funk, samba, conjunto norteño, and all the great music that makes the modern Mexican-American experience—and they’re politically conscious! Best of all: each CD cover is handmade by the band, a wonderful combination of DIY ethics and rascuache. www.lasantacecilia.com.

Sam Quinones: The Los Angeles Times staff writer is the greatest chronicler of post-1970 Mexico EVER. Buy all his books, read all his articles—and he’s one of the people you can blame for getting me into journalism. www.samquinones.com.

Carey McWilliams: Anything by the great progressive historian, of course, but specifically North from Mexico: The Spanish-Speaking People of the United States.

Calacas: Great Chicano shop in my ‘hood that has everything from beautiful artesania imported from Mexico to hilarious Chicano-themed T-shirts (“Estar Guars” instead of “Star Wars,” anyone?), an impressive collection of Día de los Muertos statues—and they’re tireless supporters of DREAM Act students. Pinche mensches all the way. www.calacasinc.com.

Ethnic Studies: How do you gift a discipline? Easy: monitor the battlegrounds in which Know Nothings are trying to ban it. First Arizona, next the United States—you’ve been warned. And sit in on a class at your local community college or university—or, better yet, buy all the books of Chicano Studies pioneer Rudy Acuña, a Korean War vet who’s never met a pendejo chickenhawk politician he can’t dress down with a few choice historical anecdotes.

Me!: Totally shameless self-promotion, but still: give the gift of the Mexican! Turn people on to my columna, like me on Facebook, or—better yet—save your pesos for April 10, 2012, when my long-promised Taco U.S.A.: How Mexican Food Conquered America finally publishes. Felíz Navidad, and, as always: ¡A LA CHINGADA CON ARPAYASO!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!